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A Twin Flame Story

This story is from twenty years ago and is about my Twin Flame. Many of us are meeting our twins, our destined "other half" and I wanted to put this out there as a stand alone story.

There were twelve of us studying Permaculture and he was the oldest in the group at 39 and I was 26. He was quite different to me due to age but also there were large socioeconomic differences between us that we never overcame. He was not good at communication - whereas all I wanted to do was talk. It was rather a casual acquainance, and it began in the middle of summer...

Twin flame

I don't know how I figured out he was my twin back in 1995 but it took me about a week. He was kind of cruisy and laidback, fancied himself a ladies man, and I wasn't even the first person he hit on. There was another girl my age who wasn't even part of our group and I saw him try (and fail) with her. And I thought to myself, this guy is cool. He was older but there I was, single and ready for an adventure. And I thought, why not? Ah yes, I had no idea of what I was about to go through.

So there we were doing our gardening plus Permaculture classwork and having a fairly enjoyable time as a group - how could it all go wrong? First off our relationship was complicated by others in the group, many of who were part of my (and his) soul family. It was like this big soul group 'thing'. There was another boy who was about my age, and an older guy closer to his, who were soul mates to us. I do remember him flirting with me and likewise me back to him. After two weeks in the summer sun he asked me out and boy was I keen.

He'd taken me aside one day in private and explained that he was divorced and only wanted a 'casual' summer kind of thing, so how did Tuesday sound? And I had looked at him confused and I hesitated, before saying "er, no......." but I couldn't finish. The young guy who was our friend came in and interrupted us so I never got to say more than 'No'. I'd wanted to ask questions but the moment passed. I'd wanted to talk to him, ask him why, and just have a normal conversation but Mr Stalker Friend came in and the moment passed. The boy was always around him and seemed to stalk him everywhere. Why did the universe do this? The whole topic was OVER and despite all of my desperate wishes didn't come up again.

I remember after that we didn't talk anymore. We began avoiding each other, or at least he avoided me and I followed him trying to get that moment back. I was crushed. I certainly didn't want to have a fling with him, but the effect of that 'no' was just final. He was a funny man, to be honest a very messed up person. It was like we were playing this strange game where I wanted to be heard and he wanted me to just fall into his arms. No matter how I tried I couldn't change what had happened and he didn't seem to care. It wasn't a "no, I'm not interested." It was a "Yes, I'm interested but 'no' to the fling."

I stayed on in this place for 3 months waiting for some sense to return to this situation, however nothing happened except the usual game that we played. It was a blur and a tiresome mess. In the end I was unhappy working there due to bullying and had to leave. I didn't fit in like everyone else did and was alone. Yet I knew I would see him again even if I left. I had zero doubt so I quit half way through the course and...walked away.

It was my last chance to rekindle a relationship that never got to move forward with someone who I knew was my twin flame. It was like looking at myself, deeply at a soul level. All he ever heard from me was a hesitant 'no'...a pause...and he was trying to make me suffer having entirely the wrong impression. I thought the act of leaving would wake him up...but karma stepped in and he began to Run...

Twin Flames

It is so strange this last bit. He wasn't one to talk but I love a good chat. I'm not a game player at all but he was. Over the next six years I happened to see him once a year (six times).... we had karma and it needed to play out. I have to point out that I had become obsessed with him. I don't know what his story was but all I thought about was him to quite a large extent, maybe more than I should. Twin Flame relationships are obsessive; this is one of the points about them. I couldn't get him off my mind and a lot of other awful things were occurring in my life.

The first three times I saw him I wanted to talk but, annoyingly, he was avoiding me. I remember seeing him the first time it happened, and he saw me - we were walking towards each other on the street. Out of fright or another reason, he ducked into a store and vanished, so I just walked past and kept going. I was patient back then. It was only a few months after I'd quit the course. I knew we had karma and so I waited for him. I saw him two more times (I don't remember the details) and I wanted to reach out to him, but...he ran. He was the Twin Flame Runner. Not that we were strictly speaking on friendly terms but I often wondered why he ran.

Those three years went by and I slowly began to get over it. Oh how I wanted him! What to do? Then the next three years began with a surprising turn of events, at least for me.

I just remember running. Oh yes, I became the runner and he seemed to be doing the chasing. I wanted to chase him but I couldn't help it. It was like karma. Karma is karma, what can you do? So I avoided him, I escaped him and did everything in my power to get away from him. I remember seeing him on a train, and looking down. He saw me, he got up and he walked right up to me. I just looked down like I'm not talking to you! I wanted to but...I don't know why. So he walked on by past, the train was moving and I just blocked him out.

The last time I saw him whilst out and about, buses had replaced the usual train. He was on a bus and I couldn't get on because it was full. So I got the next bus and he had gotten off the bus and couldn't get back on my bus. And I was all like 'no, no' and I didn't want to see him. So when I got to the train station that was taking passengers, I actually ran away into some shop and I did my shopping and avoided the train entirely. He was on the bus after me and was probably looking for me at the station - who knows what he was doing. And that was the last time I saw him; and I remembered he'd gotten fat.

Now he was out of my life, and he was never coming back into it. Its not that I wasn't interested in him, it was more like he was too much trouble and I'd gotten over it. I didn't see him around again after this incident. Since the age of 31 I basically never thought of him, although I had been completely obsessed for quite a few years. There have been so many men since but no one I've managed to settle down with.

He spoke to everyone else except me, which made me feel I was avoided and rejected. Then karma took control of me and there I was running, (first chasing then running) but I really didn't want to. I just needed to.

This man was never going to include me, never going to reason with me and was a game player. I wasted three years on him plus another three years kind of vainly hoping. It was a lot of energy wasted in some awful twin flame game. He was pretty much a loser and I learned this is exactly NOT what I want. I've known a lot of other men in my youth similar to this but now I actually do understand what it is I want.

Its common for twins to have terrible communication and we certainly came from very different backgrounds and ages. My angels were always very much against him and quite glad I never got together with him. But it was the most strange, obsessive, all-out crazy experience in my life. I would not want to repeat it ever, not even part of it. But do I hate him?....Well no, he's my twin. This was how it had to happen. He was in crazy-town, no doubt about it. It's probably a wonderfully good thing nothing more ever happened between us.

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